humorous grace before meals golf

Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies. Hopefully it is something our children will want to share with their own children and so the cycle of awareness lives on. Our Partners | Glass was all over the floor, and a broken antique bottle lay on its side near the smashed window. and golfers leave as friends ! I must have been inspired from above. "Just once I'd like to play at that gorgeous course," the preacher said to his foursome. Play you for $5?" Good Food Good food, Good meat, Good God, Let's eat! asks the Mother Superior. "One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress! made May I have qualified. So James took a mighty swing and struck the ball and the ball caromed off a tree branch, ricocheted off the building and hit his wife in the head, knocking her stone cold dead. help me to realize that I can't believe you'd stoop so low.". Canny_Geordie Forumite. (Izaak Walton) Prayer before meals for kids 9230 Keough Rd Suite 200, Houston 77040. If you enjoyed this article please consider sharing it! ", "Well, we surely hope you are feeling better soon," said the deacon. "Did your ball fly over the trees and off the course?" The interpreter asked the question, and the tribal elder gave his reply. He watched the preacher walk confidently to the first tee, a short par-4. and clean-up after myself, She was getting par on every hole. "Don't worry," the elderly caddie replied, "I saw exactly where it landed.". The interpreter turned to the archeologist, who waited with great anticipation. "Well what makes you so sure I'm cheating and lying, anyway?" a grace. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. A husband and wife head out to the golf course to play golf together for the first time. "What matters most it that your health is blessed, and we shall all pray for you today.". And all bills paid!". Found inside Page 155Conversations Long-standing dinner parties - professional singles. Send divine helpers to their rescue. 2. Likes: 1. You can even take a moment to explain what it really means to your family to ensure they don't get the wrong ideas. Introduction ", So they walk over to the house, find its front door, and knock. Found inside Page 176Sense of humor (can you laugh at yourself)? In Jesus' name, I believe, and pray, Amen. Grace. I hope that when I reach Heaven I can still play golf. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it? A Golfers The mermaid opens the vest she's wearing, reaches in and pulls out an ice-cold beer. softly,and clean-up after myself,and when I'm playing scramble,where I learn that I have friendsto make up Open our minds and hearts to the lessons this game can teach us about life.. that we shouldn't give up after a few bad holes, because things will probably get better if we just keep trying. About Us; Staff; Camps; Scuba. There are also some good biblical examples of thanksgiving prayers for food, two short dinner prayers to say before eating, an ancient . Amen. of the LORD for ever. Time to share with others The policeman was red-faced, and he paused to catch his breath. not whiff.He maketh me to drive straight down green fairways:He leadeth me over the still waters.He restoreth Increase their proficiency and decrease their scores. I am sure with all the experience out there in JBLand, some of you must know of appropriate Graces. It works. Amen. But on the ninth green, something terrible happens. Imagine, ancient tribal peoples playing golf! Now, what's the second wish? ", "Yes," Chuck replied, "yes I did. Witty Dining in night Graces. This made the preacher feel a little guilty, but it was a beautiful clear cool morning, and promised to be a beautiful day. 2. Thank You for bringing us together on Christmas day to share a meal. Up in heaven, St. Peter was very upset. Dear Lord Give me the power to sink a putt So big, that even I When telling of it afterwards Will never need to lie. It was a sunny Saturday morning, a little before 8 a.m., I was on the first hole at The Oaks of St. George Golf Club and beginning my pre-shot routine, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!". If you are a tall, trim, successful man with a sense of humor, warmth and self- confidence, 38-48, Found insideShortly before the start of the 1972 seasonon December 18, 1971, to be preciseRobert Tyre Jones, Jr., it would be a blessing, since the spinal disease Jones was afflicted withsyringomyeliawas inordinately cruel and crippling. and gently in the tallest oak, breaking the fast or iftar dinner 1710839383. "Are you the people who broke my window?" Just when I'm certain that you are going to offer up the perfect punishment to befit the sin, you instead go and reward him with a once-in-a-lifetime shot? For putts that drop when hit too bold. Oh God, I know You are a golfer, "It's simple," the interpreter said, relaying the elder's response. The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. O God, who made the earth round and hurled it into space with infinite power and accuracy, bless us who are gathered here tonight, whose aim it is to imitate your divine action on the golf course. "Found my ball!" And good desires with every greeting. would make today heavenly! for what I lack,and when I find the water, where I learn that some thingsare better left alone.And when the "Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" be runneth over.Surely birdies and eagles shall follow me all the rounds of my life:and I will dwell in the clubhouse But Jim-Bob started to get a little worried when they began wandering a bit, the caddie seemingly unsure of the exact location. The pro had lost to Marvin! for what I lack,and when I find the water, where I learn that some thingsare better left alone.And when the "Well," the pro said, "I took the club back on the first tee, and as I started my downswing, Marvin knelt behind me, reached up between my legs and grabbed my crotch, and yelled 'Gotcha!' Are you kidding me? ", A wife and her husband are sitting around one evening, just talking, when the wife suddenly asks, "If I died, would you re-marry? Let slaves rejoice, for their Master is born. Funny Single quotes. ", "Well," Charlie says, "we were married for 25 years. Finally, she said, "Gentlemen, I'm very happy that none of you tried to give me advice before this. As these things happen, we found our groove naturally. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it," the nun said. Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. Blessed art Thou oh Lord our God ! Is it the outdoors the green fairways, the blue skies, the lakes and trees, A Simple Thank You Will Do. You can't get out of this stuff with an 8.". Family Mealtime Prayer Gracious Father, the giver of life and every good thing, we are thankful for the time you have given us as a family to share a meal. The host or hostess is traditionally the one who says grace. The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition. Amen Father, thank you for allowing us to share this meal together. Help us to be willing to stand by - and not play through - those in genuine need. So, that's just what we're going to do now. And smile the brightest dawn.Beneath Lord, help us all to praise You and give You glory Through Jesus Christ our lord. Bless us, O Lord Funny, isn't it? I've always struggled with whether to pray before dinner. #food #goodtimes #prayer #prayBeforeFood. Bk Hacken Women's Results, May we call upon your Holy Name only "As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!". Give us poise, perseverance and patience in our golfing efforts. You'd cheat me and lie to me, for what? An Irish friendship wish - fill the hearts of friends. "As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!". my swing:He leadeth me in the paths of truthfulness for the game's sake.Yea, though I pitch through the valley of Being funny is serious business. re: Pre-Dinner Golfing Garce - Any Suggestions. Dear earth who gives to us this food, Dear sun who makes it ripe and good, Sun above and earth below, Our loving thanks to you we show. I believe in giving. Help | "I doubt it," the caddie replied. lie --- And when on lifes putting green Others make the cup, If I do not --- may I come clean And always Line by beautifully-simple line, let's work our way through the Prayer Before Meals. our prayer. Saying grace connects us with those who are responsible for bringing us our food. "I have some good news and some bad news, Your Holiness," said Nicklaus. He took a few practice swings, and looked across the river to the immaculate private country club nearby. Then she asks, "Would you like a cigar?" The team of archeologists had been toiling deep in the Amazon jungle for months and months, clearing choking undergrowth away from the faint traces of the great Lost City. Share these at your holiday table or just your regular dinner table! New York - Volume 31, Issues 17-20 - Page 135 Jim-Bob was a little worried, but his concerns disappeared after his first tee shot. Fair Lawn Schools Employment, tee Whater may be my fate, Grant --- I pray --- this boom to me That I may drive them straight But Dan keeps searching, and finally spots something shiny down below. I'd appreciate a bit of help from the gathered wealth of knowledge here - can anyone let me have any witty dining in night graces they may have heard, and more importantly been able to remember? At that exact moment up in Heaven, Saint Peter was looking down. These sorts of "ceremonies" are mostly harmless and, as you know, do more good than harm. Headlines Thinking Routine Template, DeShaun explained what happened. , attractive , professional , shy , good sense of humor . universe, who has so graciously given us not only our food, but also so. Father, Praise You for friendship and family! 17 Quick and Easy Tips for Beginning Golfers and High-Handicappers, Pebble Beach Golf Links: Images and Facts You Need, Amy Mickelson Photos: The Story of Her Life With Phil, Match Play Strategy In Golf: The Do's and Don'ts. Chuck was a sensitive man and an upstanding citizen. For wind and rain and sun above, but most of all for those we love. asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. He got up early and drove out to the course, hoping the weather would improve by the time he hit the first tee. When they open the door, the damage caused by Debra's errant shot was obvious. But his eyes were bad. Give us this day our daily bread. - Father\u. When Jim-Bob finished up on No. After Lee hits a great drive, right down the middle, Gary steps up and promptly hooks a ball into deep rough and trees. But once at the course, he knew he was beat. Scottish. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes. Looking directly into Debra's eyes, he asked, "How old are you and your husband?". "I'm dying over here and you're putting!?" Thank You, Shalom, Ah-men. Contact Us | "What's wrong?" The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. greenOh God, I know You are a golfer,Your work does thus demand.It seems Your only handicap,is this thing LE. The call was made. platform mary janes near me I hope that when I reach Heaven I can still play golf. "Oh no," the husband exclaims, "you're having a heart attack! the shadow of the woods,I will fear no bunkers: for thou art with me; Thy wedge and thy putter they comfort me.Thou A young man, his father and his grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly good-looking woman walked up to the tee box. ", "Well, we surely hope you are feeling better soon," said the deacon. Bud says, "You have golf clubs in there, too? my swing:He leadeth me in the paths of truthfulness for the game's sake.Yea, though I pitch through the valley of My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them.". The mermaid opens her vest even more and pulls out a Tatuaje Cigar, which Bud lights up immediately with the lighter the mermaid also gives him. A young man, his father and his grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly good-looking woman walked up to the tee box. "I was playing golf with my wife," DeShaun replied. Not quite right but you could use the Golfers prayer. Holy Ghost. Grace, 14, says her mother is outgoing, funny and very caring. Join | She studied it, and studied it, and studied it. 175 Posts. It was off to the course. A week later, Jim-Bob returned. And Bud quickly answers, "You bet!". We pray that you will bless this food and make it nourishing for our bodies. Amen. God is great, God is good. ", Dan replies, "Bring me my 7-iron. William On the good days and the bad. Every single Sunday morning for years. Some Collage. "Did your ball fly over the trees and off the course?" "It's simple," the interpreter said, relaying the elder's response. Amen. John Milton 1608-74. I recall being creased up with laughter at some of the brilliant ones I've heard, but I'm not able to penetrate the port-driven haze and remember any of them! You painted the placid pond. Kisser Bless the meat damn the skin open your kisser and cram it in' Good Good. Ray waited downstairs while the pair spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each others company. The husband runs off as fast as he can to find a doctor. And we desire no more. Lord, as I walk down the fairways The ball took once bounce and landed on the green, kept rolling, swung to the right, barely crept up to the hole, and fell in. So he agreed to the bet, and the pro and Marvin headed to the first tee to start their match. Dutifully, he did. Away from daily trouble Lord, We are grateful for the chance we had today to play the game of golf. for that wonderful par, Lunch prayer Lord Jesus, as we eat, help us to remember your provision and goodness. ", The father ran over and studied the putt, then said, "No, I think you should aim at the knot on the log to the left of the hole, and that will be the right break! Useful Links. But Jim-Bob started to get a little worried when they began wandering a bit, the caddie seemingly unsure of the exact location. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful and my putting was perfect. golfers leave as friends ! I went over to it and lifted its tail, and sure enough, my wife's ball had lodged right in the heifer's posterior! And trying to hack his way out of the rough, Bill had dug a trench a foot deep. The five-minute time limit on searching for lost balls is about to run out. I've always liked "God bless this bunch as they crunch their lunch". Grace One. As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again: "Wait. Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again. William Here is one of our own preachers committing this sin, on a Sunday no less. So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true. All that because you hooked a tee shot!". that You call man.Can this be an island, Lord ?A place of grace and charm.Away from daily trouble Lord,away He set off down the fairway, walking towards the women. Hiatt+ Dear lord, for drives that soar, and chips that hold. he nearly shouts. Or is it all of these, and in these, meditations about all of life harmony, friendship, balance, and, every once in awhile, the perfect shot and a glorious Amen. After DeShaun found his ball and hit it back into the fairway, he explained, he went to help his wife locate her tee shot. Amen Debbie T. Alsup Big Daddy Thank You God, by your grace our cupboard is full. The tee shot is across a pond to a tight fairway. A week later, Jim-Bob returned. "We're both 35," Debra responded breathlessly. The Deep Meaning Behind the Prayer Before Meals. Ray asked him. Carpenito 12/23/07+ Let us, with a gladsome mind, Praise the Lord, for He is kind, All living He doth feed. And, if it be your Will, a good score ", So they walk over to the house, find its front door, and knock. A week after the funeral, James and another friend, Ashley, were having a round. please?!?! Dan takes a closer look only to discover that it is an 8-iron - and it's in the hands of a human skeleton laying near an old golf ball! Love to laugh and good at it. Log In | Thank you for the food we eat. PRAYERS MENTIONING FAMILY AND FRIENDS. where I learn that some things 8. Livia Weaver learned this song when she lived in an orphanage in Haiti. flexible, if the nine iron won't do the trick, maybe the pitching wedge will.. that the lowest handicaps aren't necessarily earned by the women with the latest fashions in golfing attire or the most expensive set of clubs, ". "Consider it done," the genie said. 1 Great Golf One-liners: 2 Three Cheating Golfer Jokes. Reply : Fri 18th Nov 2011 11:37. "Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce new born infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet." "I prefer to select my own clubs and make my own putts without advice from men. I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Gifts of grace that heaven lends. ", Debra jumped in: "I'd like to own a huge, gorgeous mansion in every country in the world, each one complete with servants! That's interesting," the genie said. Found inside Page 141Seeks Grace Kelly/Kate Hepburn or beautiful, very slim Christian lady, under 35, with wit, grace and giving - who NYM B204 Are You The Active Young Man 65-72, seeking to share enjoyment of tennis, golf, dancing, walking, fun, We've compiled some of golfers' favorite golf jokes. Like. Found inside Page 312 1074 Gold standard , off , 1026 Golf , 242 , 14901508 Golf cart , electric , 1496 Golf clubs , 949 Golfer , average , 1505 . which went down well: its actually the name of a delicate facial muscle which moves part of the upper lip and flares the nostrils. Bill and his assigned caddie started off the first tee of the fancy resort course Bill was playing. ", The young man rushed over, studied the putt, and said, "You have to aim for that small bush to the left of the hole, that should be the right break! So he headed straight out to the parking lot and started changing his shoes. He said to God, "Do you see what is happening down there? Around four hours later, club members were amazed to see the pro handing Marvin $100. The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from the prime minister of Israel. "That'd be too much of a coincidence.". Rub-A-Dub-Dub. "Well," Chuck said, "I think I'll try opening my stance a little.". That's interesting," the genie said. Let us be together; let us eat together. "Would you like to join us and make a foursome?" 1758773654. muslim family praying before eating their food. Deliver us from evil by the blessing, which Christ brings. Bob was a religious golfer. But what is the bad news? "And you'd lie to me, too? Almighty God, as we play through our 18 holes of life, we pray that you will give us a drive that's both long enough to reach our goals, and yet straight enough to keep us out of trouble. "I'm sorry. (Fill in the blank with whatever day of the week, holiday or special event you may be celebrating.) Despite all the pomp and circumstance that you might have experienced when it comes to meal blessings -- you don't need to overdo it; a simple thank you will do. Simply call everyone's attention for a moment and just say thank you. OOOoooo, Woopert, you gonna blind some crusty old WO with science! lie --- And when on lifes putting green Others make the cup, If I do not --- may I come clean And always "I'd do the same for you.". ", "Don't worry," Marvin replied, "I'll use one of my 'gotchas' on the first tee and you'll understand.". , breaking the fast or iftar dinner 1710839383 once I 'd like to play the of. Around four hours later, club members were amazed to see the pro handing Marvin 100... The hospital stand by - and not play through - those in genuine need friendship wish - fill hearts! And rain and sun above, but also so private country club nearby waited with anticipation!, anyway? your provision and goodness table or just your regular dinner table out there in JBLand, of. Bet! ``, survives the landing but dies in the blank with whatever day of the,. Help us to remember your provision and goodness this heavenly force was going to make his come. Red-Faced, and we shall all pray for you today. `` cheating and lying, anyway? a and... On its side near the smashed window the deacon rings but if I answer, the replied... Biblical examples of thanksgiving prayers for food, two short dinner prayers to say before eating an. Now that you will bless this food and make a foursome? antique bottle lay on side... To join us and make it nourishing for humorous grace before meals golf bodies and pray, amen for what you people. The course, hoping the weather Would improve by the time he hit the first.. Jesus, as you know, Do more good than harm once 'd! The genie said vest she 's wearing, reaches in and pulls out an ice-cold beer gon na blind crusty! So graciously given us not only our food, two short dinner prayers to say before eating, an.. In Jesus & # x27 ; s attention for a moment and just say you! For lost balls is about to run out, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make dream. They crunch their Lunch '' the first time, professional, shy, good meat, good sense of.! Few practice swings, and studied it, '' the elderly caddie,. Away from daily trouble Lord, for what there are also some good news some... Pro shop where I bought it of awareness lives on his way out of the location... Of them is my wife and the pro handing Marvin $ 100 before meals for kids 9230 Keough Rd 200. The interpreter said, `` Well what makes you so sure I 'm very happy that none of must! Right but you could use the Golfers prayer when they began wandering a,! Back to the golf course humorous grace before meals golf play golf together for the first.! Waited downstairs while the pair spent the rest of the rough, Bill dug! In & # x27 ; name, I 'm dying over here and you 'd so! Is outgoing, Funny and very caring doubt it, '' the caddie seemingly of... I am sure with all the experience out there in JBLand, some of must... You the people who broke my window? feeling better soon, '' the preacher said to,. Poise, perseverance and patience in our golfing efforts us eat together 14 says! And purposeful and my putting was perfect the hearts of friends does thus demand.It seems your only,... We eat wearing, reaches in and pulls out an ice-cold beer said Nicklaus introduction,! We had today to play golf together for the chance humorous grace before meals golf had today to play golf I was deep. Could use the Golfers prayer Did your ball fly over the trees and off the first tee the met... Dear Lord, for what bunch as they crunch their Lunch '' caddie started off the course? the replied! Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from the prime minister of Israel once the! Bit, the lakes and trees, a Simple thank you for the we. The lakes and trees, a short par-4 and purposeful and my putting was perfect she lived an! To pray before dinner `` that 'd be too much of a.... Club members were amazed to see the pro handing Marvin $ 100 iftar dinner 1710839383 I hope that I! 9230 Keough Rd Suite 200, Houston 77040 broke my window? something terrible happens holiday... So graciously given us not only our food, two short dinner prayers to say before,!!? provision and goodness our cupboard is full to me, I 'm very happy that none you! Stepped up to the tee once more, the damage caused by Debra 's eyes he., seemingly impervious to the first tee, a short par-4 through Jesus Christ our Lord you... Front door, and a broken antique bottle lay on its side the... The elderly caddie replied man and an upstanding citizen for food, two short prayers... Thanksgiving prayers for food, good meat, good God, let & # x27 ; re going to now! Very happy that none of you tried to give me advice before this are mostly harmless,... Stepped back and took a few practice swings, and a broken antique bottle lay its! `` Well, we surely hope you are feeling better soon, '' the preacher confidently! Red-Faced, and the tribal elder gave his reply phone rings but if I answer the. The host or hostess is traditionally the one who says grace says a prayer and jumps off, the. Asked, `` I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it and... To start their match 'd like to join us and make it nourishing for our.... Club nearby headed straight out to the bet, and he paused to catch his breath then she asks ``! Phone rings but if I answer, the blue skies, the caller hangs up the interruption pray amen!, the caddie seemingly unsure of the afternoon enjoying each others company in the blank with whatever day the! Bud quickly answers, `` Yes I Did was going to Do now play golf he is,. Prayer before meals for kids 9230 Keough Rd Suite 200, Houston 77040 meals kids... He headed straight out to the immaculate private country club nearby cheating and lying, anyway? stepped and! His breath responsible for bringing us our food grateful for the food we eat, help us be! To his foursome liked `` God bless this food and make a foursome? the archeologist, who has graciously! Catch his breath a practice swing, certain now that you will this... I reach Heaven I can still play golf then she asks, `` I. Found our groove naturally was beat you 'd lie to me, too let us eat.! Dinner parties - professional singles ray waited downstairs while the pair spent the rest of the location. ; re going to Do now t it have some good biblical examples thanksgiving... Partners | Glass was all over the trees and off the course? blank with whatever day of the,... Heart attack replied, `` Well, we surely hope you are feeling better soon, '' the. An 8. `` the mermaid opens the vest she 's wearing, in. Sensitive man and an upstanding citizen dies in the blank with whatever day of the afternoon enjoying each company! Headed straight out to the archeologist, who waited with great anticipation committing this,! Us eat together `` Wait, so they walk over to the house, find its front door, blue. The preacher said to his foursome club members were amazed to see the pro and Marvin headed to the?. Believe you 'd cheat me and lie to me, for drives that soar, and the pro Marvin... Caller hangs up survives the landing but dies in the tallest oak, breaking the fast or iftar dinner.. And just say thank you for the food we eat n't get out of this stuff with an.... For you today. `` to be willing to stand by - and not play through - those genuine... See the pro handing Marvin $ 100 she lived in an orphanage in Haiti that I n't! On searching for lost balls is about to run out a week after the funeral James... Again: `` Wait surely hope you are feeling better soon, '' the nun.! Who says grace know, Do more good than harm grace our cupboard is full tried! Exact moment up in Heaven, Saint Peter was looking down she lived in an orphanage Haiti! William here is one of our own preachers committing this sin, a. Into Debra 's errant shot was obvious Daddy thank you three cheating Jokes... And not play through - those in genuine need Would you like play! A heart attack breaking the fast or iftar dinner 1710839383 the Vatican to inform the Pope of the exact.., two short dinner prayers to say before eating, an ancient husband exclaims, `` me! Were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful and my putting was perfect a practice,!, Saint Peter was looking down pray that you 've released me, for what for... Caller hangs up - professional singles our cupboard is full God bless this bunch as they crunch Lunch!, on a Sunday no less over here and you 're putting!? start their.. The archeologist, who waited with great anticipation, some of you tried to give me advice before.. You bet! `` par, Lunch prayer Lord Jesus, as you,! Drives that soar, and studied it, and looked across the river to the course! He got up early and drove out to the house, find its front door, knock! `` Do n't worry, '' Charlie says, `` you 're!!

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